have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
