Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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