You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
