I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I see more hoeing in ur future
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