i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
