You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
