The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
NoShamevember. You game?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
