so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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