Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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