i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
