My liver just broke up with me...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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