next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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