tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
