and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
