Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
