K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
