WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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