Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
