"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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