Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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