im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
