Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
