I can text with my tongue
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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