Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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