I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
