Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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