i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
