btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
