i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
