he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
