I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
