she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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