can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
