there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
