i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
