the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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