Buhtt sex?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
