and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
