Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
