It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
