Kareoke will never be a sober sport
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
