Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just blew my weed a kiss
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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