Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
pop tarts are not kleenex
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
