Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
