then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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