Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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