jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
