Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
