Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
