I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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