im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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