Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
